It's been a valuable experience though, being down for these 2 weeks. I know exactly what kind of a missionary I want to be now. I'm hitting the ground running.
You know, I've been thinking about struggles lately. Trials and tribulation is something I guarantee everyone on this planet goes through. Everyone on this planet is here to grow and prepare to meet God. Struggling is growing. I keep thinking about how when I struggle, I have the natural tendency to hide it away and pretend like I'm fine for the rest of the world. But if everyone does that, then everyone else feels like they're the only people in the world who struggle. If everyone were to band together and be more honest about struggling, so that we could all help each each other, I think there would be a lot less hopeless people in the world. I'm trying to be brave and be more open with my investigators. Of course I'm not going into details about my past, but being more open about the fact that hey- I'm not perfect! I'm human! is really helping. I'm growing and progressing right along with everyone that I meet, but I hope to share what helps me as I grow and progress the most with everyone I meet- the Gospel of Jesus Christ.
Missionaries aren't perfect robots! We're only 18-26 year olds who barely know what we're doing, but we're working with the Lord. He's the one that brings the miracles and the blessings, and He's the one that really teaches and converts people when we teach with the Spirit of the Lord.
Sad thing this week- Elder Dewitt in my district went home. We saw him off on Saturday. He was struggling too, but it beat him. Our district got really close over these past two weeks, and seeing him decide to work on his struggles at home was a brave choice, but we miss him so much. Pray for all the missionaries in the world, everyone!
This week I made it a point that when we were able to go out and teach, I would be as prepared as I could be, but then I would leave everything completely up to the Spirit. It was so interesting- just that conscious effort made a huge difference in my teaching. I was still nervous and my heart still beat really fast, but I was confident in what I was saying. I testified of what I knew to be true from my heart, and I knew the Spirit was directing my words. Often I hope he's directing me, but this time I felt it. It was powerful. Preparing the best you can to teach and share what you love and then always praying for the Lord's help, and then trusting that He'll help you as you asked really works. D&C 88:63 says it perfectly- "Draw near unto me and I will draw near unto you; ask and ye shall receive; knock, and it shall be opened to you." That's a promise. Have faith :)
This week we saw D_____ H______ again. He wants to get baptized so badly that in the 2 weeks we've been down and out, he agreed to be baptized by another church! But after talking with us again, he said that he'll call the preacher and cancel it because he wants to be baptized by the restored priesthood authority of God. This man has so much faith and desire to serve God, it's incredible.
We also saw L_____ again this week. She has fresh cuts on her arms and she's still struggling, but she lit up in a huge smile when we came. Her health is doing much better from the time we found her dying in her chair, and she teared up while we prayed with her. Everyone needs to know they're loved and watched over by our Heavenly Father. I have way too much to do here. I'm needed and all of these people are needed. Never feel like you're alone or abandoned, because you're not! Never feel like you don't have purpose either, because the fact that you're born here on earth means that you are a valiant son or daughter of God, and you chose to come here to be with the specific people you're around, and to serve a specific mission that you told God before you came down that you would do for Him. Join the cause and lift someone's day!
I love you all! Keep on keeping on.
~Sister Clark
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